...and that is A-OK with us. In fact, it's more than ok, it is wonderfully comforting. It means we are doing something right. If we looked/acted/sounded the same as everyone else, wouldn't that mean we have chosen to be "in" the world
and "of" it? Shouldn't we, as a christian family, be striving to be set apart?
We have been getting much flack lately about what our family chooses, or moreso, what we as parents are choosing for our family. We expect that. 1 Peter 2:11, 12 tells us that people will accuse us of doing wrong when we live good lives among pagans, but yet they will see our good deeds and glorify God. People have all kinds of opinions on what is right/wrong/holy and that is ok. We understand that even among other christian families, we may choose to allow/not allow different things into our home. So, for those of you who have been wondering and/or questioning our "why", here is what we choose.
* We choose to limit the amount of television and movies our children watch, music they listen to, and gaming devices they play....and we monitor the things they do.
Why? Besides the obvious filth on TV and radio (even some commercials embarrass me), we choose for them to use their imagination...to communicate with each other (and us)....to be physically active. They play outside, draw, do boardgames, write songs and stories, read books, make friendship bracelets, build animal "habitats", etc....
* We choose for our children to dress like children. And hope that as adults, our daughters will not choose to dress in child size clothes.
Why? Because we are teaching them modesty and purity. We believe it is not ok for our daughters to wear things advertising their "goods", such as booty shorts or clothing with things written across their derrieres. Nor will allow them to go without "backs and side" on their underwear because all the other girls in middle school do. We teach them they can have a certain amount of pride in their appearance, yet people liking them or not should not depend on how short their shorts are the brand of shoes they are wearing. We for sure want them to understand that beauty does stem from within and that they should not dress as to be a stumbling block for anyone. As for the boys, we want them to not think of girl's as "a piece of meat" and pray that the parents of their future wives are helping to teach their daughters about purity as well.
* We choose to not allow our children on any social network such as Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, etc...or to surf the internet.
Why? Well, the obvious reason is that FB age requirements is 13. It does not state this as a suggestion, it is a rule. This is not even the same as a PG13 movie where they can still do it if the parents are ok. It says no one under 13, period. So, why would we be ok with teaching our children that they don't have to follow rules? Why are ours so special they would be the exception? Our children are learning from us daily. If they see us breaking/bending rules, they will too. If we lie for them, they will lie too. It bothers me that so many teachers/leaders/adults in the lives of our children encourage them to have an account or they are "out of the loop". Since when do we encourage our children to "follow the crowd"? The rule says 13, no matter how many under 13 year olds are doing it, it is still wrong. Just like smoking, drinking, driving, voting, fighting in wars...there are age restrictions for a reason. We are not the type that will buy them cigs/beer and have them drink at home at any age because they are going to "do it anyways". This doesn't mean at 13 our children will get accounts, that is just the age they would be "legal" too. Just like I pray at 18 they don't start smoking just because they can.
Now the not so obvious reason we won't allow it, SHOULD be obvious. We don't want open the door of the world opened anymore for our children than it already is. Oh, I know I know...you monitor your kids' account. Yea ok. I monitor my own account and I still have things come across my screen that I wish I had never allowed into my spirit...visual pictures as well as the written word. We can't control what "friends" of approved "friends" say or post under comments or on walls, nor can we control the spam videos that pop up. Besides the fact that we don't want our children in an adult forum. They have no business knowing what their friends' parents are struggling with, who they are dating now, and seeing vacation pics of them in their bikinis.
I recently deleted all minors off of my account. It was not easy for me. I felt I was messing with children's self-esteem issues. Be honest with yourself, if someone doesn't accept your request or deletes you, you start questioning why. I don't care who you are, you do, even a little. There is enough issues our children face on a day to day basis...peer pressure, bullying, etc... We are NOT going to help contribute to another struggle for them. I am reminded of the commercial of the teenage girl sitting in front of a computer, talking about how she convinced her parents to get FB accounts so they could "live"....she said they were only up to 19 friends though. The screen flashes to a shot of her parents out biking or hiking something of the sort, then back to her in front of the computer. She says she has 6oo and something friends, and that that was "living". Really? Do I want my children's self-esteem and for them to feel "alive" based on their friend count???
Besides all of that, we have another issue that some don't, we have the donor and oven and all their "minions" that could/would try contact the children if they spotted an open door. We are not cracking that door at this time.
* We choose for our children not to have cell phones until necessary.
Why? Remember the days when getting your own phone line in your room was a HUGE deal? Or even just being able to talk on the phone being a privilege? I sure wish that still was in place. If I see one more child at a birthday party, at the park, at a concert, a holiday function ON THE PHONE instead of enjoying the moments I will scream! These are not teenagers either, 8-12 year olds! What in the world is so important in their lives that they need a phone on them 24/7? In a world where cyberbullying, sexting, texting while driving deaths, etc..is rampant why again would we add another vehicle for hurt, deceit, or even death? Why does a 9 year old need an Iphone? I don't even own one! Along with this, again, I am in shock at all the parents that allow their children to bring their cell phones to school. It is AGAINST THE RULES! You would not send them with a loaded gun. A cell phone, can yes, be just as bad of a weapon. Let us catch one picture of one of my daughters dressing out in PE show up somewhere. Children are
taking their own lives over incidences such as that. Oh, I know, again, you told me...it's in case you need to get in touch with them/or them you. That's what the school office is for. Many of us have survived all the way through college without a cell phone.
* We choose to not allow our children to rummage through our cabinets/drawers and help themselves to any food they desire at any time. Nor do we allow caffeinated drinks except on rare occasions.
Why? For one, there are eight of us in this house. We would be spending twice what we do now on groceries if that were the case. Instead, we have snack bags that are filled once weekly with a mixture of healthy snacks (fruit, string cheese) and "sugar" snacks (fruit snacks, Little Debbie cake) that they are allowed to eat out of. If they eat all in one day, that is it for the week. This is teaching them self-control. There are so many people in the world that don't get regular meals, much less a snack. We want our children to be aware of that. To not be glutenous and just eat because it is there.
* We choose not to buy or children everything they want/mention.
Why? We choose to teach them to work, save, earn things they want. We have learned that that is when they most appreciate and take care of things. We are not interested in raising spoiled, whiny brats. We don't want their spouses coming to us one day and telling us that nothing they do is "ever enough". We are teaching them to be content in want, and in plenty. Plus the value of a dollar, and rewards of hard work.
Please understand, this is what WE choose for our family. We are the only two people that will stand accountable for the way our children are raised. Oh don't get me wrong, if you are speaking against our family choices to our children and planting seeds of disrespect/distrust/rebellion into them, then that is on you. We are not under the assumption that all of our children are perfect, or will be perfect adults. In fact, we know that some will rebel, maybe all, at one point. Yet, we cling to this "
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" Proverbs 22:6. We know that as parents we will make mistakes, and sometimes God will show us where we need to ease up and where we need to tighten up. There are things in our own lives that we struggle with and trying to be more of an example. My beloved smokes. He hates it. He is addicted. I fear our children will one day say, "Well,
you do Dad". He knows he needs to quit. He struggles. I was not blessed with an extra dose of compassion/grace. I daily have to remind myself not to be like a Pharisee, cold and rigid. I struggle. We covet your prayers as we are praying for changes...
We pray this over our family...
(photo by
Callie Hill Photography)
