Where to begin? There is so much background to be shared, so many feelings involved, yet so little time to get it all in! I know y'all are waiting (and not so patiently I might add) to hear the details of yesterday's events. However, I need to say that if you have not heard or read our whole story, please go back to my previous blog posts. This will help you to understand why this final leg of this particular journey is so meaningful. So, I ask that that's where you begin...at the beginning...before you read this, the finality of it all.
January 23, 2010 I ended "Plan B Revisited" asking you to be in prayer with me, as our mountain climbing continued. I told you we needed "closure with the oven" and that "it was all a matter of God's timing"...and boy did I peg it about the timing, even though I didn't always believe it. Again, during this process God showed me over and over again that it is surely HIS timing, not mine. There have been so many times I thought "This is it! It's over!", when it truly was not. I now see that He was bringing this full circle, to again, give us a testimony that only He can give. Not by anything we did, didn't do, or wanted to do...but only by His doing.
I mentioned briefly in a past post that the oven was out on bond for some serious criminal charges (arrested Dec 08), which I thought for sure she would have gone to trial on by now and then all our troubles would be over, right? WRONG! Apparently our judicial system takes things really slowly when you want it to move quickly, or maybe it is the work of God's hand to make our story complete. I don't know for sure, but I DO know that has made me sit back in awe that DESPITE us being able to use her criminal charges against her in a trial concerning the children (innocent until proven guilty!), we were still shown favor. In June 09 the oven was ordered supervised visitation, which consisted of only 3 hours every 4th weekend. I at the time was angry at this, because we had filed for her rights revoked because of the charges against her, but again, no conviction=no crime. The judge however, did decide to persue her nonpayment of child support, which we had filed along with getting her rights revoked to try and prove her no responsibility for the children. Really, this was the least of our concern. It ended up putting US in the hole with lawyer fees, days off work for court appearances, and court costs for her being in contempt month after month. Every time we went, the judge would give her "two more weeks", "one more chance", which in turn meant more money and work time lost for our family. "Where is the justice in that?", I would ask. We knew she wouldn't pay anything, we didn't really care, we just wanted her away from the kids! During one of these contempt hearings we were made into the "bad guys" by the judge, enough so that she ordered my beloved to parenting classes! "How to parent together while living apart". WHAT? He went, paid his $60, got his certificate...again, money and time from his family...lost. Finally, after over 8 months of hearings, the judge found her in contempt for nonpayment of support and sentenced her to 30 days in jail. WOO HOO! "Now we are getting somewhere", I thought. No visit, no phone calls for a month if she is in jail, right? Again, I was WRONG. Did you know that 17 days in jail=$16,000 child support and you can never be punished for nonpayment for it again? 17 days of peace, that's what I had...then the "why's" and "what now's" came rushing back, along with the thoughts of "it will never end!".
Remember during all this court drama, she is still getting supervised visitations. Out of the 10 visits that she ended up having, 7 of them she showed up late. Not just a little late, 45 min-1 hour late, for a 3 hour only visit. During one particular visit, she came 30 minutes late, stayed a bit, then LEFT for an hour and came back. Now really, do you think she truly wanted to see the children? And don't think that just because it is supervised that nothing dramatic will happen. That was wrong thinking on my part too. Although we had 2 people that love the children and did their very best to try to prevent harm coming to the kids, we found that if evil wants to get in, it will. Things whispered in ears, notes hidden in DS cases...plus out loud promises of the kids getting to come live with them (the oven and her mom), and declarations that if she went to jail it was because of us, that she has never done anything wrong....plus so so much more. All of this causing so much confusion and chaos in the kid's hearts and minds, which in turn caused them to come back here with bad attitudes and rebellious spirits, and in turn continued to cause more and more division in our trying to be blended family.
You want to know that straw that broke the camel's back don't you. Tell me the 'kicker' you say. Ok, get ready! During the supervised visit in May, the oven SHOPLIFTED in front of the children. That's right. During a 3 hour visitation she stole in front of her kids. One of them saw the whole thing unfold, told the supervisor on way home, and then told me 2 days later that she wanted to tell the police. This poor child could not believe that she would do that in front of her, when she only had a little time to spend with them. So we went to police and made a statement, all the while I am telling this child how proud I am that they would do this, that it is called having "integrity", and God will so honor that. The police get in touch with the oven, who denies any wrongdoing, and said the person who reported her was a liar. The police told her it was her child that reported. She said the child is a liar. The next morning, the oven told her lawyer and ours that she wanted to sign her rights of the kids over to my beloved. She stated that if we could brainwash the children enough to lie about her then she doesn't have a chance. He lawyer withdrew as her counsel immediately. Now don't you think you would be jumping up and down celebrating this victory??? I was! Oh wait, but again, I was wrong! No victory, just another hurdle in this race.
You see, she thought she could just sign the kids over to my beloved and be done with it. It doesn't work that way. By LA law there has to be someone to step in and take over the lost guardianship of the children, someone else to take responsibility, if she chose to relinquish those rights. Which meant that she would have to consent for me to adopt them. HA HA HA HA HA! Do you really think she was going to do that?! In fact, her words were "I will only sign them over to you (my beloved), if SHE can NEVER adopt them". Don't you know that I am the enemy, the reason her life is so bad? She blamed me for the loss of her marriage and her kids. I wasn't even around when they got divorced or went through custody so talk about stinkin thinkin! But guess what? We filed for me to adopt them anyways. Of course she didn't return any of our lawyers phone calls about consenting, nor did she meet with social services or file a motion to contest. We didn't hear a word from her after she was served the papers, (which her mom rec'd on her behalf, this will be important later).
As soon as I get the court date notification in the mail, I turn into a crazy person again. The nerves! The "what if's"! The doubting of all I knew God to be and to have done before on our behalf. The meeting with social services was a worry. What would the kids tell her? Are they gonna say they don't want me to adopt them? I literally stayed up nights thinking about all the ways it could go. We knew that we couldn't legally bring up her criminal charges in court, but could with social services, so this was one thing that brought me comfort. Especially when I called a friend at the DA's office and they told me she was numerous pending charges against her that we didn't even know about! Including the fact that they charged her with delinquency of a juvenile along with the shoplifting in front of the kids! Plus, she puts me on the phone with the investigator handling her more serious charges and he tells me that the oven is facing many years of jail time! However, he can't tell me when her trial will be, they don't know yet, but is still months away.
So, my thoughts turn to postponing the adoption until she is convicted, because then I KNOW it will go through for sure. I call our lawyer, and she advises that we move forward with the already set date, but if this judge doesn't grant it we will file again when there is a conviction. Ok, I can live with that. It gives me a reason to not worry so so much, bc after all, one day all this will be over.
The kids and I go to meet with social services. We meet with the same lady who met with us in our prior adoption case! She is familiar with us and is confidant that all will be ok, except she says that she won't take all the info I had gotten from the courthouse on the pending cases against the oven. Oh no! If she doesn't put it in her report how will the judge know?! I start to panic a bit, until we are finishing up the meeting and she says, "you know, I think I WILL take all of that and put it all in my report...I feel he needs to see all this". YAY! And then I find out that the kids tell her they DO want me to adopt them, DOUBLE YAY! Whew! One event down.
The day before court is church day. I have to go "expecting"...I will go "expecting"...I MUST go "expecting"...Lord, I need PEACE in this storm! I need reassurance that you are FOR us! During worship He brings to mind the verse Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know that plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future". My thought was, ok...so, yea I know that verse...it was our youth group verse, so what?! What does that have to do with right now? He told me, it's not about you, it's about the KIDS! It was such an "AHA" moment. The KIDS don't have a hope and a future as long as the oven is involved in their lives! I get it Lord, this is right! Well, maybe I get it...let's go talk and pray with the pastor and see what he says....
The pastor asks me what am I so nervous about? I am nervous about defending myself, about trying to prove that I am better than someone else. He tells me, "You ARE better". I must have made a face, because he continues to tell me that he doesn't mean in an arrogant way, but that my beloved and I desire to raise all these kids in the Lord and that IS better than the alternative they have, and that I needed to stand on that. Then he starts praying, and don't you know it the words out of his mouth are "Lord you promised to give this family a hope and a future, and you said that a house divided against itself cannot stand and as long as [the oven] is in the picture this family will be divided". Of course I am crying my eyes out when I tell him he quoted the exact verse God had given me just an hour before!
August 9, 2010. Court day. My beloved is up at 4:30 am dealing with stomach problems, and I get up at 6 throwing up and nursing my own stomach troubles....
My mom comes over to stay with Lou, 2 children get off to school, and the other 2 get all prettied up in case the judge would like to speak to them. Off we go, nervously. Will she show up? What if she does? What if she doesn't? What will the kids say to the judge? I heard this judge was a JERK and to be prepared for the worst! Will the judge fuss at us for not letting her talk to them the last couple months? So many questions! I post on FB that we are headed that way. I feel better when I know that people are praying for us, thinking of us, joining in this race with us. We decided to keep the kids in another building with my inlaws until the judge wants them, this is in case she shows up...no confusion. We drop the kids and then go into the courthouse. No sign of the oven, or her mom. Usually where one goes, the other is. I have never seen them apart. We wait. We watch all the doors. I am getting more and more anxious...she either needs to get there or don't come, but the not knowing was getting to me. I get a message on my phone that I have a reply on my FB status, it is from my beloved's aunt, and it is Jeremiah 29:11, THE SAME VERSE, quoted. Ok, God! I HEAR YOU! Did you just get "God chills"? I surely did!
Our lawyer finds us and says the judge wants to do the adoption in his chambers, to hurry up and get the kids over so that maybe we can get it all over with in case the oven does show up (remember she is known for being late). We get the kids, another lawyer switches with ours so we can go first, and we wait for our case to be called. Instead, just our lawyer is called back. She is told that the judge has decided to WAIT and see if the oven will come, so we are going to do it in the courtroom instead of his chambers. UGH! We hide the kids with the inlaws in a hallway, and go into the courtroom. We wait through other cases and yuck. Our case called again, and judge says he wants to have bailiff call for oven in all courtrooms and give her more time to show. UGH! We sit through 2 other cases, and then SHE WALKS IN THE DOOR! My first thought, where is her mom? Did she find the kids? Oh no! But then, a peace that I have never known before washed over me, so much so that I questioned, why am I not shaking..she's here! My beloved, meanwhile, is noticeably getting angrier. He says, "If we had just done during our schedule time we'd been out of here already!" I agree, however...I feel that maybe God wanted us to face her, after all, we had to face the donor too. Finally, the judge asks that the courtroom be cleared for us. It's him, the court reporter, our lawyer, my beloved, the oven, and me. Deep breaths. Here goes nothing....
The judge starts off by stating that in LA if a parent ordered to pay child support goes at least 6 months without paying, and has no just cause for not paying, then they LOSE their rights to contest an adoption of the children. However, if that parent can prove payment, or just cause of nonpayment during that time, then they may object to the adoption and would be a trial. He asked our lawyer if it was true that we had filed regarding the nonpayment of child support, and even though that was just a portion of our filings, she said yes. I was flustered for a minute, why didn't she tell him all the reasons?? I was so confused! The judge then turned to the oven and asked her if she understood the allegations of nonpayment against her. She said she did. He asked her if she had anything to say, or prove regarding it...she said, "No, I'm just here to sign the papers". Wait, what?! Did your jaw just drop like ours did? "I'M JUST HERE TO SIGN THE PAPERS"!!!! The judge asked if he understood her right, that she was consenting to me adopting the children. She said yes. They had her repeat it for record sake, and that was it! He had me sworn in and granted me adoption rights! What???? No trial, no defending myself, it's over...just like that? He doesn't even want to talk to the kids? We were walking out of the courtroom, my beloved and lawyer 1st, then the oven, with me following....I grabbed her arm and turned her to me. I told her that for once, she did a very good thing. She said, she knew, but it was hard. I told her I know it was, but that it was best for the kids and to know that they are taken care of. She said, "I know." She asked if she had to wait and sign anything, I asked the lawyer, she said that since she had said it in court on record, there was nothing now for her to sign that she could go. That was it. She walked off, and I broke down. The look in her eyes, so empty...no hope, no future. I know that is not our doing, it is her own choices and consequences of those choices that have caused that in her...but yet, on this one day...she thought of someone besides herself, she made an honorable choice.
To clarify this, I must tell you of the phone message that her mom left on our lawyers office answering machine. While we were waiting for our paperwork, she let me listen to it. I will paraphrase, as I'm sure I cannot remember it all word for word. "Yes, this is [the oven's mother] and I was just informed that my daughter is scheduled to appear in court this morning in the town of Livingston (remember SHE rec'd the court papers!), to sign over the rights of HER children to [my beloved], which will NEVER happen! My daughter does not have a vehicle or a ride to court, nor does she have a lawyer. This will NOT go forward, I object! I expect you to call me back AS SOON as you get this message". So you see, the oven stood on her own two feet for this one. We don't know how she got there, or who she told. But we now understood why her mom was not with her. She made a good choice, praise God! I believe He will continue to work in her heart and life through the rest of the trials she will face.....this does not mean I want her in the children's lives anytime soon, but gives me some hope that for their future, if they desire to see her, she may be a better person.
FINALITY! Oh for so long I have prayed for this! Closure! No more court, lawyers, etc..!! It is a LONG time coming. I am in awe of all that the Lord has done. Through all of our journey he has shown us in such unique ways how much He is FOR our family. I am humbled, again, that He would orchestrate every little detail to fit into HIS perfect timing to make such a testimony that only HE could receive the glory from. Amazing. I will leave you with this verse that I found the day before court...perfect timing, aye?
"But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord's victory. He is with you...do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you" 2 Chron 20:17.
YAY, we are finally legally blended! Yes, they are happy about this too :)
